The December People’s Choice Award goes to…

GRANDMOTHER – Woman, 60s Puerto Rican. Joyful, full of life, mischievous.

MOTHER – Woman, 30s Puerto Rican. Pregnant, stressed, a bit desperate.

DAUGHTER – Woman, 30s. Stressed, overworked, clinging to memories.

HUSBAND – Man, 30s. Trying to be a help to his wife, understanding.

Note: Empanadillas pronounced Empa-na-di-yas.

They taste the best with olives and Tito Puente.

(A kitchen. Tito Puente plays. GRANDMOTHER enters, singing along to the song. She gathers materials for cooking.)

GRANDMOTHER – If my daughter wants to learn about my cooking she better appear in this kitchen before I die of old age!

MOTHER (From off) – Coming!

(DAUGHTER enters. She gathers materials for cooking. She sings along to the song, and for a moment, the same line at the same time as her GRANDMOTHER. MOTHER enters, very pregnant.)

MOTHER – Don’t start without me, I need to know what things you’re going to use.

(GRANDMOTHER sings louder, dancing. She tries to pull MOTHER to dance with her.)

MOTHER – No, no we need to cook, we don’t have time before the family arrives- Mom!

GRANDMOTHER – Be quiet and dance with your mother.

(They dance. HUSBAND enters with a paper invitation.)

HUSBAND – Honey, I need to ask you a question.

DAUGHTER – Did you know this is the same CD my grandmother used to play in the kitchen?

HUSBAND – That’s sweet. You should

DAUGHTER – My mom said they danced while she was pregnant with me, and my grandmother had to force her to stop so they could cook.

MOTHER – Alright okay that’s enough we have to get cooking.

DAUGHTER – No no no I get one more song with my daughter and my little grandbaby.

MOTHER – The family is on their way! Johnny and Tricia are already here!

GRANDMOTHER – Your brother can wait. The food will be done when it’s done.

HUSBAND – Honey

DAUGHTER – If you’re trying to tell me that Aunt Tricia wants to offer another cooking suggestion, I already know.

HUSBAND – Um, no, it’s about the invite she sent to the family for tonight. But yeah, she also had a suggestion, about maybe using frozen dough…?

(DAUGHTER looks at the card. She’s mad.)

MOTHER – What do you think about Johnny’s new girlfriend?

HUSBAND – Okay, don’t get upset.

GRANDMOTHER – Tricia? Well, she’s…

DAUGHTER – Upset. Right, don’t get upset, but Auntie Tricia needs to get some sense knocked into her highlights before she even thinks so much as to offer a suggestion to a recipe she knows nothing about because it isn’t seeped in mayonnaise and served in a casserole dish from KMart- Ignorant, loud, in my way, in your way, in all of our way with a thinks-she-knows-best attitude while she printed the fucking Cuban flag instead of the Puerto Rican flag on her Christmas invitation for her Puerto Rican family she’s been married into for decades!