The November’s People’s Choice goes to…

The people have spoken… The November People’s Choice Award goes to Alanna McFall’s They Dun It, presented as a staged reading at Monday Night PlayGround on November 15th at Freight & Salvage in Berkeley, and simulcast online. Congratulations, Alanna!

Courtesy of Alanna, we’re pleased to share the first two pages from the award-winning script. Enjoy!

THEY DUN IT
by Alanna McFall

BAXTER- Male- Any age- Any race- Voiceover only. Lady  Reed’s murderous butler.
DETECTIVE MANDERLY- Male- 40’s – Any race- Voiceover only. A Sherlock Holmes-type who has just solved the Reed  Manor murder.
LADY REED- Female- 30’s-40’s- Any race- The Edwardian lady of the manor house, bitter about her dinner party being ruined.
LADY DORMUND- Female- 30’s-40’s- Any race- A  well-meaning but ditzy lady, bemused at the strange night she’s had.
LORD RABBITSBY- Male- 40’s-50’s- Any race- A gentleman,  concerned about cleaning up after the carnage. Can be double-cast with Baxter or Det. Manderly.
DEAD BODY- Male- 30’s-50’s- Any race- No dialogue. The murder victim. Can be double-cast with Baxter or Det.  Manderly.

In darkness. 

BAXTER
(voiceover) 

And I would have gotten away with it, too! Damn you,  Detective Manderly! 

DET. MANDERLY
(voiceover) 

Well, you should have known better than to cross the  finest minds of Scotland Yard. Officers, take him  away. Barrow, let us be off, there is sure to be  another case afoot! 

Lights slowly rise on Lady Reed, Lady Dormund  and Lord Rabbitsby standing awkwardly in the  middle of Lady Reed’s drawing room. A tea tray  with a pot and cups are on a table. A dead body  is splayed out on the floor. 

Lord Rabbitsby looks after where the police have  just departed. Lady Reed is staring at the body,  seemingly in a daze. Lady Dormund rocks on her  heels, trying to think of something to do. 

LADY DORMUND 

So…do we continue the dinner party? 

Lady Reed jerks out of her reverie. 

LADY REED 

Excuse me? 

LADY DORMUND 

I was just wondering, should I go home or are we going to continue the dinner party? 

LADY REED 

Lady Dormund, my brother and my butler were just arrested for murdering my lawyer to keep the information of a secret inheritance away from me, and you want to keep having the dinner party? 

LADY DORMUND 

I can leave if you would prefer. 

LADY REED 

No, I…well, you did come here for dinner. After such a frightful night, the least I can offer you is a meal.

Lord Rabbitsby keeps looking off after the police. 

LORD RABBITSBY 

I say, Lady Reed, did the police say they were going to be back to pick up the body? 

LADY REED 

Oh my, I don’t think they said. But they must be planning to come back for it, right? 

LADY DORMUND 

It can’t very well stay in your drawing room. Can you have your butler come sort it out? 

LADY REED 

I will remind you that it is my butler Baxter who sorted him out in the first place. 

LADY DORMUND 

Then maybe he had some plan for what he was going to do with it afterwards. 

LORD RABBITSBY 

Are we allowed to move it? Or is it still evidence? 

LADY REED 

Well, that Detective Manderly already solved the case, so I can’t imagine they expect me to just leave it in the middle of my floor. 

LADY DORMUND 

Could we roll the carpet over it? So it’s not quite so prominent in the room? 

LADY REED 

That is a Persian rug that has been in my family for generations, I am not rolling a corpse in it! 

LADY DORMUND 

A corpse is already on it. 

LADY REED 

Yes, but plenty of things have been the rug, it is on so much more unseemly for things to be rolled in it. 

LORD RABBITSBY 

At the very least much more intentional. Would you like me to move the body off the rug?

LADY REED 

Oh, Lord Rabbitsby, if you would I would be so much in your debt. 

Lord Rabbitsby steps forward, then pauses. He has clearly not thought about the realities of moving this body. 

He reaches down to touch it, then stops. 

LORD RABBITSBY 

Do you think your butler could- oh, right. 

LADY DORMUND 

Maybe Baxter could get to it in the morning? 

LADY REED 

Lady Dormund, something tells me that the police intend to talk to him for longer than one night. 

LORD RABBITSBY 

Well, nothing but to do it, then. 

Lord Rabbitsby braces himself and reaches down to touch the body, then changes his mind. He nudges it with his foot until the body rolls over. Satisfied with this, he rolls the body to the edge of the room over the next lines. 

LADY REED 

Besides, what would I do with a butler who killed someone in my own house? I would never sleep a wink again! 

LADY DORMUND 

Perhaps he’s innocent and the detective was wrong. 

LADY REED 

Innocent or not, this evening has been ruined. A  murder I could come to forgive, but disrupting a  dinner party is a bridge too far. 

LADY DORMUND 

True, true. 

LADY REED 

And that detective! The impertinence to go accusing people, when he was a guest in this house!

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