The November’s People’s Choice goes to…
The people have spoken… The November People’s Choice Award goes to Alanna McFall’s They Dun It, presented as a staged reading at Monday Night PlayGround on November 15th at Freight & Salvage in Berkeley, and simulcast online. Congratulations, Alanna!
Courtesy of Alanna, we’re pleased to share the first two pages from the award-winning script. Enjoy!
THEY DUN IT
by Alanna McFall
BAXTER- Male- Any age- Any race- Voiceover only. Lady Reed’s murderous butler.
DETECTIVE MANDERLY- Male- 40’s – Any race- Voiceover only. A Sherlock Holmes-type who has just solved the Reed Manor murder.
LADY REED- Female- 30’s-40’s- Any race- The Edwardian lady of the manor house, bitter about her dinner party being ruined.
LADY DORMUND- Female- 30’s-40’s- Any race- A well-meaning but ditzy lady, bemused at the strange night she’s had.
LORD RABBITSBY- Male- 40’s-50’s- Any race- A gentleman, concerned about cleaning up after the carnage. Can be double-cast with Baxter or Det. Manderly.
DEAD BODY- Male- 30’s-50’s- Any race- No dialogue. The murder victim. Can be double-cast with Baxter or Det. Manderly.
In darkness.
BAXTER
(voiceover)
And I would have gotten away with it, too! Damn you, Detective Manderly!
DET. MANDERLY
(voiceover)
Well, you should have known better than to cross the finest minds of Scotland Yard. Officers, take him away. Barrow, let us be off, there is sure to be another case afoot!
Lights slowly rise on Lady Reed, Lady Dormund and Lord Rabbitsby standing awkwardly in the middle of Lady Reed’s drawing room. A tea tray with a pot and cups are on a table. A dead body is splayed out on the floor.
Lord Rabbitsby looks after where the police have just departed. Lady Reed is staring at the body, seemingly in a daze. Lady Dormund rocks on her heels, trying to think of something to do.
LADY DORMUND
So…do we continue the dinner party?
Lady Reed jerks out of her reverie.
LADY REED
Excuse me?
LADY DORMUND
I was just wondering, should I go home or are we going to continue the dinner party?
LADY REED
Lady Dormund, my brother and my butler were just arrested for murdering my lawyer to keep the information of a secret inheritance away from me, and you want to keep having the dinner party?
LADY DORMUND
I can leave if you would prefer.
LADY REED
No, I…well, you did come here for dinner. After such a frightful night, the least I can offer you is a meal.
Lord Rabbitsby keeps looking off after the police.
LORD RABBITSBY
I say, Lady Reed, did the police say they were going to be back to pick up the body?
LADY REED
Oh my, I don’t think they said. But they must be planning to come back for it, right?
LADY DORMUND
It can’t very well stay in your drawing room. Can you have your butler come sort it out?
LADY REED
I will remind you that it is my butler Baxter who sorted him out in the first place.
LADY DORMUND
Then maybe he had some plan for what he was going to do with it afterwards.
LORD RABBITSBY
Are we allowed to move it? Or is it still evidence?
LADY REED
Well, that Detective Manderly already solved the case, so I can’t imagine they expect me to just leave it in the middle of my floor.
LADY DORMUND
Could we roll the carpet over it? So it’s not quite so prominent in the room?
LADY REED
That is a Persian rug that has been in my family for generations, I am not rolling a corpse in it!
LADY DORMUND
A corpse is already on it.
LADY REED
Yes, but plenty of things have been the rug, it is on so much more unseemly for things to be rolled in it.
LORD RABBITSBY
At the very least much more intentional. Would you like me to move the body off the rug?
LADY REED
Oh, Lord Rabbitsby, if you would I would be so much in your debt.
Lord Rabbitsby steps forward, then pauses. He has clearly not thought about the realities of moving this body.
He reaches down to touch it, then stops.
LORD RABBITSBY
Do you think your butler could- oh, right.
LADY DORMUND
Maybe Baxter could get to it in the morning?
LADY REED
Lady Dormund, something tells me that the police intend to talk to him for longer than one night.
LORD RABBITSBY
Well, nothing but to do it, then.
Lord Rabbitsby braces himself and reaches down to touch the body, then changes his mind. He nudges it with his foot until the body rolls over. Satisfied with this, he rolls the body to the edge of the room over the next lines.
LADY REED
Besides, what would I do with a butler who killed someone in my own house? I would never sleep a wink again!
LADY DORMUND
Perhaps he’s innocent and the detective was wrong.
LADY REED
Innocent or not, this evening has been ruined. A murder I could come to forgive, but disrupting a dinner party is a bridge too far.
LADY DORMUND
True, true.
LADY REED
And that detective! The impertinence to go accusing people, when he was a guest in this house!
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